Thursday, November 3, 2016

Bittersweet Melody




I sang lullabies and soothing songs to each of the kids at bed time. Well, until Miranda started covering her ears, and saying, "No singing!" I'm no opera star, but I can carry a tune. One hymn that I "sang" (hummed, really) to Evan was "Be Thou My Vision." An old family friend sang it at our wedding, and it's always been a favorite of mine. I've always loved Celtic music to listen to and play. When I sang it to Evan, I didn't sing the words. I didn't know the words! I just sang the tune. And we snuggled. He seemed to love to hear me sing. When it came time to choose music for Evan's funeral, "Be Thou My Vision" seemed a good choice. A pretty melody. A good message. And the history of the music for our little family. It didn't occur to me at the time that hearing it later on would be a struggle. This song that I've loved for 20 or more years is hard to hear now, because of the memories it brings back. Whenever they play it at church, I cry. I'm crying now, because I've been listening to it as I write this. I still love the melody. It's just bittersweet now.

4 comments:

F Moseley said...

I have the same reaction to this song now.

Sherrie said...

Can you emphasize the happy, together memories? I don't know, I know the Frost poem always makes me think of the funeral now, too.

Pam said...

You mean don't listen to the ones that get me down? Or only blog about the happy ones? I don't really listen to the tough ones. I do have music that makes me think of him, but in a good way. Or, music that I feel like is a good expression of my grief journey.

Sherrie said...

No, I meant focus on the happy memories as much as you can with things that provoke mixed feelings rather than completely give them up. Him falling to sleep to it, or singing it together or something.