Saturday, January 31, 2009
Tomorrow is Evan's birthday. He would have been 5 years old. I think about where we were this time 5 years ago. I was in labor, and I'm pretty sure I had my epidural by this point (10pm.) I remember telling the doctor I wanted a January baby, and he all but said, "Fat chance." He predicted pushing would begin around 2 or 3am. He didn't predict the almost 3 hours of pushing Evan's big ole head out, though.
I know a lot of people say, "The day my child was born was the happiest day of my life." I remember thinking at the time that I couldn't say that, because it had been such hard work. If you had asked me in the hours after Evan was born, "So, when will you have another one?" I would have certainly said, "Never!!!" Nobody asked, however. And, just as everyone always says, I forgot about the pain and the ordeal of childbirth, because I had this beautiful, sweet little baby to hold.
Evan was quite a little character, and I fell head over heels in love with him.
Evan loved to go outside. We had to spell out the word o-u-t-s-i-d-e, so he wouldn't know what we were talking about, because if Evan heard the word "outside," he would say, "Outside! I wanna go outside!" Of course, our clever little guy figured out what we were spelling, and would say, "I wanna go o-u.... I wanna go outside!"
Evan taught me about tools and trucks, having been more into dolls when I was a child. I enjoyed our "lessons," which mostly entailed pointing at things and yelling out the name, "Pressure washerrrr!", "Front end loader!" or "Chop saw!" and my personal favorite "Bomchine!" We still don't really know what a bomchine was...some sort of machine of Evan's imagination.
It's incredible that one little person can have such a profound impact on your life. I mean, once you have kids, you forget what life was like before them. The noise and the mess become part of every day life. When we lost Evan, we came back to a quiet house. A house that stayed clean, instead of a new mess cropping up in a new place each day. We have the noise again, and do we ever have the mess. We're just missing Evan. And how my heart aches for him.