Thursday, September 20, 2007

Evan, Mommy Needs a Hug

Evan gives Mommy a snuggle

I've been pretty down lately. Suffering the loss of my little son was a difficulty no parent ever wants to face. But the extra hormones coursing through my pregnant body are just pushing my emotions to the limit. I have been looking at the journal I started when Evan was about 17 months old. I started it to have a record of all of the silly, cute, hilarious things he said. I also recorded his behavior and how I did. The portion I read last night talked about how he was becoming a snuggly little guy and how much fun it was. Duncan is approaching the same age, and I can see he's going to have snuggly tendencies, too.

I remember after I had Duncan, things were pretty rough. Duncan was screamy and needing to eat around the clock. I had the post pregnancy hormones coursing through my body then (and maybe a little postpartum depression?) I know for sure I wasn't getting enough sleep. And I may have been a tad cranky. Evan decided that this was the time to give up his afternoon nap. I so needed a nap, and just a mental break. No matter how much I begged and pleaded, it wasn't happening. I resorted to locking him in his room, trying to bribe him with sleeping in Mommy's bed. Nothing doing. And I'm not proud to say, on a few of these occasions (usually when neither boy was napping), I lost it. I yelled. I cried. I felt like the worst Mommy ever. On these occasions and others when I was just down, I said to Evan, "Evan, Mommy needs a hug." Evan stopped what he was doing, walked over, and gave me a hug. He then returned to playing. Sometimes I would say, "Evan, Mommy needs another hug." He stopped once again, and came right over to hug me. This worked for kisses, too. I never asked for a third hug or kiss, because I didn't want to be too tiresome (even if I felt like I could use another one.)

Today I was feeling down and missing my huggy little Evan, so I got Duncan up from his nap a little early (actually he hadn't fallen asleep, yet.) We came downstairs and hung out for a bit. I started feeling guilty when he kept rubbing his eyes. I put him back to bed and he slept this time, undisturbed. After his nap Duncan wanted to be held. Thanks for the snuggles, Duncan.


Betharoopie said...

Oh, sweetie...I'm glad Duncan could give you some snuggles. Please know that you're getting virtual hugs from very far away!

Mom said...

Remember you are getting hugs and kisses and prayers every day from me and dad and just about everybody around here who knows you. But nothing takes the place of little boy hugs. Love ya!

Anonymous said...

It was good to see you last night. You know I am always thinking of you with lots of love.

Anonymous said...

I knew you weren't yourself scrapping. I will pray for you.
Love MB