Thursday, September 20, 2007
Evan, Mommy Needs a Hug
Evan gives Mommy a snuggle
I've been pretty down lately. Suffering the loss of my little son was a difficulty no parent ever wants to face. But the extra hormones coursing through my pregnant body are just pushing my emotions to the limit. I have been looking at the journal I started when Evan was about 17 months old. I started it to have a record of all of the silly, cute, hilarious things he said. I also recorded his behavior and how I did. The portion I read last night talked about how he was becoming a snuggly little guy and how much fun it was. Duncan is approaching the same age, and I can see he's going to have snuggly tendencies, too.
I remember after I had Duncan, things were pretty rough. Duncan was screamy and needing to eat around the clock. I had the post pregnancy hormones coursing through my body then (and maybe a little postpartum depression?) I know for sure I wasn't getting enough sleep. And I may have been a tad cranky. Evan decided that this was the time to give up his afternoon nap. I so needed a nap, and just a mental break. No matter how much I begged and pleaded, it wasn't happening. I resorted to locking him in his room, trying to bribe him with sleeping in Mommy's bed. Nothing doing. And I'm not proud to say, on a few of these occasions (usually when neither boy was napping), I lost it. I yelled. I cried. I felt like the worst Mommy ever. On these occasions and others when I was just down, I said to Evan, "Evan, Mommy needs a hug." Evan stopped what he was doing, walked over, and gave me a hug. He then returned to playing. Sometimes I would say, "Evan, Mommy needs another hug." He stopped once again, and came right over to hug me. This worked for kisses, too. I never asked for a third hug or kiss, because I didn't want to be too tiresome (even if I felt like I could use another one.)
Today I was feeling down and missing my huggy little Evan, so I got Duncan up from his nap a little early (actually he hadn't fallen asleep, yet.) We came downstairs and hung out for a bit. I started feeling guilty when he kept rubbing his eyes. I put him back to bed and he slept this time, undisturbed. After his nap Duncan wanted to be held. Thanks for the snuggles, Duncan.